Monster -Q Barbecues
How To Make a Monster-Q
These Monster-Q barbecues are fully functional and made from recycled metal. Smoke comes out of varying combinations of eyes, ears, and mouth depending of design. Price range $650 - $3500. No Monster-Qs available at this time. Currently available by commission only.
WARNINGS AND LIABILITY WAIVER
(IN OTHER WORDS, I KNOW THAT WHAT I AM BUYING IS NOT A TOY AND I PROMISE NOT TO BE A BIG JERK AND SUE YOU IF SOMEBODY OR SOMETHING GETS HURT) AM I BUYING ART, A GRILL, OR A REAL MONSTER?
You, my friend, are about to be the proud owner of a Rude Designs’ piece of art by Don Carlson. It is also a grill. It is also a real monster.
ISN’T IT MADE OF METAL AND DOESN’T IT INVOLVE FIRE? Yes, your art/grill/monster is made of metal. And yes, if you use it as a grill, there will be fire in it.
ISN’T FIRE HOT? Uummm, yes. Fire is really frigging hot. So be careful. Fire can hurt you. I can’t stress this enough. And the metal art/grill/monster will conduct that heat, so it will also be really frigging hot. Don’t burn yourself by touching it without protection. But you already knew this.
CAN’T YOU ALSO HURT YOURSELF WITH METAL? Yes metal is sharp and heavy. The art/grill/monster is made of metal. Be careful with it. You already knew this too.
SHOULD I LET MY KIDS—OR OTHER PEOPLE’S KIDS—PLAY WITH OR USE THE ART/GRILL/MONSTER? Nope, You would be an idiot if you let any kids play with or use any grill. Don’t do it. In fact, and again I’m sure you already knew thi,s, you should put the art/grill/monster in a place where kids can’t get to it.
SHOULD I ASK YOU TO PUT A LOCK ON THE “MOUTH” OF THE ART/GRILL/ MONSTER? This is up to you. But if there are going to be kids around it, I highly recommend that you do ask me to put a lock on it. A lock will not, of course, prevent all potential injuries, but it can help.
SHOULD I PUT NON-FOOD ITEMS IN OR ON THE ART/GRILL/MONSTER? No. Why in the heck would you want to do this? Some items may heat up and explode, and that would be no fun at all.
SHOULD I LEAVE LIGHTER FLUID OR OTHER FLAMMABLE MATERIAL NEAR THE ART/GRILL/MONSTER? What kind of stupid question is this? Absolutely not, keep all flammable items far away from the art/grill/monster. That stuff can catch on fire and explode—again, not fun.
OK, MY SIGNATURE BELOW INDICATES THAT I HAVE READ THIS DOCUMENT AND THAT I CONSIDER MYSELF OFFICIALLY WARNED. MY SIGNATURE ALSO INDICATES THAT I KNOW I AM BUYING A PIECE OF ART THAT CAN BE USED AS A GRILL, THAT I KNOW GRILLS USE FIRE AND THAT FIRE IS REALLY FRIGGING HOT, THAT I KNOW THAT WHAT I AM BUYING IS MADE OF METAL –SO IT IS HEAVY, SHARP AND CAN GET REALLY FRIGGING HOT, THAT I KNOW I SHOULD NOT LET KIDS MESS WITH IT, THAT I AM AWARE I CAN ASK THAT A LOCK BE PUT ON IT, AND THAT I AM AWARE THAT I SHOULD KEEP ALL NON-FOOD ITEMS AND FLAMMABLE MATERIALS—INCLUDING LIGHTER FLUID—AWAY FROM IT. FINALLY, MY SIGNATURE INDICATES THAT I WAIVE ALL CLAIMS AGAINST DON CARLSON AND/OR RUDE DESIGNS FOR ANY INJURIES (TO ME, MY KIDS MY FAMILY, MY FRIENDS, GUESTS, UNINVITED GUESTS, GUESTS WHO HAVE OVERSTAYED THEIR WELCOME, INTRUDERS, OR ANYONE ELSE FOR THAT MATTER) OR PROPERTY DAMAGE THAT MAY BE CAUSED BY MY ART/GRILL/MONSTER.
TAKE A BREATH,
NOW SIGN___________________________________ DATE______________